Saturday, October 17, 2009

How this All Started

NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital / Columbia campus.Image via Wikipedia
At the beginning of 2009, I started to notice some things seem very off in very small ways, that in and of themselves, didn't seem important, but, when you add them up seemed to be a lot. So, I made the appointment with neurologist at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. The evaluation didn't show anything but I did get a referral to a neuropsychiatrist. I saw the psychiatrists in June 2009 four a comprehensive narrow psychiatric workup. I took a wide variety of tasks and got the diagnosis of a nonverbal learning disorder. The doctor felt that there was a subtle difference in the tests that warranted that diagnosis.

I was very upset by that diagnosis and cried a lot for three days afterwards. At the time, I felt like I was being graded unfairly, and that the neuropsychiatrist had concentrated on my deficits. I talked to someone else who had seen his share of neuro psychiatrists, and he felt the same way after seeing his doctors. So, I felt a little better. You know misery loves company. I talked to both a psychologist and my ophthalmologist and they both seem to think that the diagnosis was a bit of a garbage can for multiple symptoms. In fact, the psychologist isn't completely sure about that diagnosis.

I didn't receive much a referral from Columbia so I was left to my own devices. I posted something to the gifted and talented e-mail list and got a recommendation for a bunch of occupational therapist over at the total approach. This made me feel a lot better because I was really hoping for a plan of action from Columbia detailing the different specialists that would be needed.  The folks over at A Total Approach seemed to have everyone under their roof. They have the auditory, motor, vision, speech, etc. services and have a good network of referrals. They are on the other side of Philadelphia unfortunately.

The occupational therapists report was very revealing. There is a 99.9% chance of a genetic link. When I think about my mother and father, I think this is true. Both of them had many problems with manual dexterity organization, dealing with other people, etc. If the activation of therapists feels that I have led a life of compensating and coping. She feels that carried many fears throughout life. I need to use the lot of compensation to get where other people go automatically.

There is a link between motor, neural, timing, and organizational skills and the temporal lobes.  She thinks I probably tend to be a perfectionist.  When I'm in high gear everything works; when I'm in low gear it doesn't.

As for auditory problems, this happened very very early in life. The inner year is formed in the one a baby can hear a mother down through her spinal cord and into the womb as the mother speaks. The audio develops then the tactile end next level the visual. In the first nine months, with an incident has a heightened sense of auditory. However, this sense usually settles down. But for me it never did and i.e. their overcoat or I shut down. All this coping takes a toll on security and emotions. Innately, there is a bit of a sense of multiple speak. In order to deal with me well, it'd people need to look at me straight and repeat. The occupational therapists feel so I fit the profile of central auditory processing disorder.

My sensory profile shows our registration problem of low registration. I tend to also want to seek in that I know I'm missing something otherwise I wouldn't be seeking to! I have problems with some bone hearing. But years just start yelling: selectivity open year.

The course of treatment that is propose will start with the auditory and then move towards remedying visual spatial deficits. The first step would be Tomatis therapy for about three months. This therapy would use a mental health counselor, as well. It would include vocal work on tonal quality. It would be Monday through Friday two hours a day for 15 days with one-week break the second. What involve vocal work. Or I could select the home oxygen this therapy would involve 60 hours at this time they will also look at sleeping and eating habits very there will be a retest. After completing the tomatoes therapy, we will work on the interactive metronome. We may add more to modest therapy if the years aren't there. We will be need to leave the brain alone for consolidation. We will have to work against coping strategies. We may ask for vision therapy could be done simultaneously with the audio. The auditory function is not far from limbic function. If I'm doing home therapy, I am not allowed to use computing electronics. Expect to feel a lot of opera groping and overstressing which may lead to ain't anxiety or thestraight to the limbic system. Since I have a limited sense of smell, the neural pathways may have shut down the messages to thought what a mixed system. I have a hyper censor a profile. Sometimes during the course of therapy, smell does normalize. I have the sense of taste so there is some sense of smell. In order to deal with fears, they will use a number protective techniques. As far as dealing with social learning disorders we'll not focus on the social until I'm finished. There is a group for adults at Temple University. It is important to do this in order. This therapy is constructed around a child's development.

After we finished the valuation, my husband and I needed time to decompress. So we went over to Borders and had some coffee and poked around that some books and talk things over. We both fell a very enlightened and basically optimistic about this therapy solving problems. I just feel a bit whiny and I don't want to do the work and there is better things in life to do than therapy. I feel like a therapy junkie. I'd really rather not devote so much time to therapy but I certainly can see the costs of continuing to do business as usual. I talked about this to my psychotherapist then she suggested a hero metaphor. However, I am really a profile in non-courage. Rather than riding off into the sunset with sword in hand, I feel like I've hauled my sorry tail onto a very mangy mare and am painfully galumphing along.

Dealing with fears is going to get interesting. I read a presentation on the web from Carnegie Mellon that quoted an autistic person, Sean Barrow:
my autism brought me much misery and unhappiness, and in essence brought me of a childhood. I was born with the pervasive fear that never seemed to diminish, so I spent most of my earliest years devising ways to lessen the unrelenting terror, if not get rid of the chronic dread completely. To that end, I try to find ways to look at and take in the world that would make sense to me and be less overwhelming, while at the same time, provide a measure of comfort control balance and security -- all of which were missing from my life, isolating and manipulating objects while tuning out people; fixating on repetitive motions; asking the same questions over and over; and focusing to an extreme degree on one item or event to the exclusion of every thing else were among the ways I've found some control and security, while temporarily sidestepping my fears.
If this brings back memories of playing with balls when I was a child. I remember playing softball and seeing the ball high in the sky come hurtling at me. If it was a frightening object because I couldn't orient myself to it. I wasn't sure I could get out of the way. I knew it would hit me hard if I let it. Even catching it could be painful. I could put my hands up in the air to catch at but I was never quite sure where lots. The ball would travel I would see it. But some time before impact the bowl disappeared. If I were lucky when I put my hands out I could catch the ball. I is never knew that I was going to catch the ball until I caught it. Not, more often than not even know my hands were outstretched I couldn't catch the ball. The ball would fall to the your theory and I might here is something as it did. I'd see it balance and bounds and bounce and then it rolled away. I wasn't completely sure the balls pass on the ground as it was coming down. And it was very confusing to see it fall to the ground and it was hard to figure out where I needed to be, how fast they needed to run in order to pick up the ball. Catching the ball was not always pleasant to my nose. The mitts were smelly with the sweat of other people. The mitts I used to belong to the school and were well used. Getting up the bat was not much fun either. The pitcher would pitch the ball. I keep my eye on the ball like I was told. Then the ball with this pair when it came close to me I could never see the ball as I was trying to to hit it with the bat often times eight slaying. The bat with circle around me and silence. Strike one. The pitcher would pitch again. Strike two. Again. Strike three. You're out. The few times I would connect with the bat, the ball usually didn't go far and I was an easy out. I couldn't run fast and I would huff and puff my way to first base. I remember being caught and frustrated. I was chosen last.

When I remember this, I have feelings in my legs and my heat, in my groin and my shoulders and in my head. I have some feelings in my stomach. Ceilings are kind of lead and feelings feelings all walked in and feelings from my last sign and they crossed into the middle and my stomach. I hear ringing in my years. And the tenseness of my jaw and in my neck. I feel my shoulders having some tension. I feel my throat in the base of my throat. I feel this sense of unease just moving through my body might goes through my throat mostly on the left side.

Basketball was another uncomfortable time. Again a large ball hurtling at you. Coming high and falling on you. People were swirling around. They were running quickly and busily. They were running all around. Once you thought you had them figured out they changed. They were moving faster than you I was very very out of sync. I'd run and jump after the ball if it bounced up out of the net are through the hope but I didn't know where the ball was going next. I couldn't figure out these patterns of people moving and changing. I was very disoriented. I stopped growing really some time in junior high school or and there were many tall people. So I couldn't shoot over them. It was hard to shoot around them. What is just scary. People wanted me to do things I couldn't do. No one understood why I wasn't fast record made it her graceful. I remember jumping jumping the ball and missing missing this but I did try very hard. I remember people pushing on the court. I thought I had my position established but I still got pushed and the referee didn't call foul. I remember some girls pull my hair and pushing me. They were strange girls. They will really weren't accepted. And they were mean. I really didn't want to go near them.

When I think of basketball I feel a sharpness of my stomach. I feel my left leg's very heavy. I feel my thigh very very heavy and I feel an energy running up my left leg and around into my stomach I feel my chest my shoulder blades I feel my new ones I feel my third guy. I feel back of my throat. I swallow. I feel a lump to my throat. Again from my last side to my middle.

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