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I went to Ralph Stover Park today to visit the High Vista Rocks. I didn't find the closest parking lot to the rocks so I parked and took a mile long hike to get to the rocks. It was a beautiful fall day and the leaves were changing colors, the holly berries were out and the sun was shining. I walked down to Tohickon Creek, crossed the foot bridge, and walked along Stover Park Road and over to the overlooks. As I approached the overlooks, I began to feel faint and dizzy and fearful. It is a very steep drop to the river below. I walked along the paths that I had walked 25 years ago.
As I approached the cliffs, and remember the old fears, fears of basic survival. there is a distrusting myself because I know I don't sense things completely, and I am also a bit uninhibited. This is not a good combination and the combination that breeds an inherent distrust of oneself.
I remember the fear in my body, in my legs and soles of my feet, in my shoulders and in my arms, ah kind of leadened feeling that tingles at the same time it weighs you down. I went to the edge of the railing and that was all I could stand. I really felt quite weak. I had to sit down for a few minutes befre I attempted to look down. I couldn't see quite down to the river but I saw enough. I couldn't bring myself to look straight down that cliff where I climbed down 25 years ago. I climbed both up and down that cliff. I am amazed that I ever tried it.