Monday, June 14, 2010

Groped

Pencil neck (52/365)Image by jakebouma via Flickr
I have been seeing a chiropractor for arthritis in the neck and back.  I have always been skeptical of the breed but I got a good referral and found someone who was very gentle.  There is a really nice somatic release that you can get from a good adjustment.  Not only does it relieve pressure on the spine and neck but it's very relaxing and you get a very nice emotional release at the same time.

There is some theory that chiropractors can also help with developmental disorder by adjusting the atlas (the topmost vertebrae). Something about blocked nerve impulses at the atlas. I don't know about the scientific validity of this but a number of folks swear by this.   There is a whole field of neural chiropractic practice.

I have seen him on and off for a couple of years.  I think he's a very good chiropractor... but somehow, there was something a bit off-putting in terms of setting boundaries.  He's been a little too pushy about treatments above and beyond what's covered by insurance.  And, also a little too huggy.  I don't mind a hug but there was just something a little uncomfortable about it as opposed to other folks' hugs.

Once before, he reached under my clothes on top of my underwear and gave me an adjustment right at the crease of where my thigh hits my hip.  I really just didn't feel comfortable about it.  This is an odd sense for me as normally I have no problems with health professionals or masseurs touching me in private parts of my body...but I just didn't feel right about it.  Lord, knows, with my tummy troubles, I've had professionals look at me in a very intimate manner.Other professionals always told me what they were going to do with my body and asked permission before they did it.

But this last time, he was adjusting me by pressing down on my neck, along the length of my spine and down to my hips.  He's done this maneuver lots of times before and it is a standard chiropractic technique that I've had done by other practioners.  But this time, he slipped his hands under my clothes and under my underwear, right on my naked butt and pressed quickly and went on to less invasive adjustments.

I'm not too happy about this for two reasons.  One, obviously, I feel a bit invaded and taken advantage of.  The other, is that, damn, I've lost myself a good chiropractor and I'm really annoyed at having to find another practitioner.  Damn, Damn, Damn,  I just don't like the aggravation of having to move on.  But, I just have too many creepy feelings about this to continue.

Unfortunately, it is not just a simple matter of saying adios, hasta la vista baby!  He lives in the next town over and often comes to my small one-horse town.  I've met him in front of my local Starbucks hanging out.    We also belong to the same Community Supported Agriculture Farm where I get my organic vegetables in the summer.  I go and get coffee over at the Starbucks in his town as it is on a beautiful lake.

So, what to do... Say nothing and give a BS reason for not seeing him any more.  Bring up the subject and just say I'm not comfortable continuing.  Tell him off... although strangely, I am not angry about it... just annoyed.   How will this affect me running into him again?  My husband, obviously, isn't thrilled.  Take the dodge that my husband won't let me continue under the circumstances?

I am definitely ending my treatments immediately... but the big question is how to do it?  In a big city, it would be adios, hasta la vista.  In a small town, there are different dynamics.

So, I talked to a friend of mine who is a physical therapist. She agreed with me that usually when a doctor, physical therapist or masseuse was going to touch a patient in a private spot, they usually prepared by saying something along the lines of "And, Now, I want to do such-and-such... Do You Mind?".  She thinks that, at best, my chiropractor should have known better and was being very careless.  Her feeling is to just not make another appointment and let him read between the lines.  If I see him again in Starbucks, just say that I got a personal matter came up that I had to attend to.  

I really don't want to carry the matter any further but part of me is thinking that he is possibly getting away with something that he shouldn't.  There is an innate sense of justice that demands to be heard and a desire to protect other people from harm.  I can see why people haven't reported the Catholic priests who were molesting children.  However, getting involved in reporting abuse is a nasty business.  And, since, this was a relatively small matter, prudence dictates letting sleeping dogs lie. 
I bring this subject of being groped up for a reason... I have been doing some reading about women and Aspergers/Autism.  Women and was planning to publish a series on how women on the ASD spectrum are different from not only neurotypicals but from men on the ASD specturm

As a whole, I like to think of folks on the ASD spectrum as angels of God-- as a group, they tend to be guileless, without an agenda, and very trusting.  For women, this personality trait can lead them into bad situations where they can become victims of abuse. Asperger women's naivete leads to impaired reciprocal social interaction and difficulties grasping the rules that distinguish, for example, seduction from date rape. Or

Also, disabled individuals  with slow processing speed, they can't react fast enough when they do recognize that something is wrong.  I think that happened with me.  It's kind of like... Oh, this happened... but the moment to correct it easily and quickly has come and gone.  I posted about this feeling earlier... called "l'esprit de l'escalier" (the spirit of the escalator).... The escalator has just carried you away from that particular place in time and now you are somewhere else and it is hard to go back to that point in time.




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